Top Ten Mistakes Parents Make When Communicating With Their Teen

Hi, my name is Austin, and I am your average 16 year old high-schooler.  This opportunity to write about parenting was presented to me months ago, but it took until now to realize how helpful I could be.  I thought, why would parents who need help with their kids come to me for help, I’m only 16.

Then, after I thought about it, I realized, there’s really no one better.  I’m a kid myself and I am experiencing much of the same things that your teens are experiencing.  Think of me as the key into your teen’s life.  There is a gap between your life and your kids’ life that I can help you fill simply by telling you how we as teens feel and think.

Now the first thing I’m going to talk about is the Top 10 mistakes parents make when communicating with their teens.  When asked to write about this I decided I’d ask some of my friends what they thought.  I messaged them on Facebook and got great feedback.

I found that there was a central theme.  Most of my friends said that the biggest problem was that their parents don’t actually listen the them. One of my friends said “We may be younger but we have a brain and we see the same world you do.  Our interpretation may help you understand us more.”

The fact that “we see the same world you do” is such a brilliant thing to say.  It is 100% true.  Parents need to understand that if you’re more open minded when you go and talk with your kids, you will have more meaningful and successful conversations.  So…

1. Listen to your kids and look at it from their point of view as well as your own
2. Making a “carbon copy” of yourself doesn’t make you a good parent.  You need to allow your child to potentially live with different beliefs or views on  things.  Give your child options and don’t be so set on your own ways of life.
3. Don’t assume you know exactly what they’re going through.  I know you probably hate hearing this but times have changed.  We as teenagers in this generation go through different issues and as parents; you need to adapt yourselves to understanding the new way of life for a teen.
4. Let us make our mistakes and learn from them.  I know as a parent you need to protect your kid from making mistakes but sometimes this means letting us go and making these mistakes.  It’s the quickest way we learn.  SO when in a discussion with them don’t just order them around and lecture them.  It only turns them away from the conversation.
5. Don’t only be open to listen, be open to change.  Basically don’t go into a conversation with your teen knowing that in the end you will get what you want even if that means your teen “hating: you.  Be able to negotiate. Meet them half way and I truly believe you will be surprised with their response.
6. Apologize to your teens when you are wrong.  We are all human and we all make mistakes.  It’s ok.  But it’s only really a mistake when you don’t own up to it.
7. When talking about serious topics like drugs, sex, or alcohol, don’t use what they tell you against them.  If they actually open up to you and admit to you that they have sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend don’t do something irrational like try and keep them from seeing him or her.  Ultimately it was their decision and all you can do now is talk to them about it and prevent unplanned pregnancies or STD’s.  Now this was just an example but it can be applied to many other situations.  If you hold what they tell you against them, odds are they won’t open up again.
8. If a lot of your arguments arise from a reoccurring issue such as school, cleaning their room, driving, etc. you need to address that and negotiate accordingly.  Take school for example, most likely you want to see all A’s and it’s not that your teen doesn’t want to see that either.  They just, more than likely want a good social life more.  Allow them to balance the two and be reasonable when addressing what you expect.
9. Don’t raise your voice.  We can hear you when you’re just talking, whether or not we listen is a different story.  But I can tell you from my own experience if I feel I’ve been disrespected I snap and it’s no longer a discussion.  It’s a “who can out yell and insult the other one more.”  So the moment you raise your voice, the conversation is over.
10. Even when we seem the least lovable, we still need you.  Don’t give up on us.  If we think you’ve given up, we are as far away from you as we can be emotionally.  You need to reconnect with them because as their parent you deserve to be close to them.  It just takes some work.

I really would love to hear from you.  Leave me your comments.  I promise to come back, read your thoughts and do my best to give you the teen perspective.  I will be talking with friends so you get the best we have to give.  If I can make a difference to bring you and your teen closer, that would be great for all of us.  Just think, we could start a new movement just to prove that teens and parents really can connect!